ADVICE

Lust

Dear random Sierra Leoneans,
I have a tricky problem. I have been married for over 10 years and I love my wife. But a new girl has just moved to town and I can't take my eyes off of her. Not only that, but she clearly wants to be with me too. I don't know what to do. Can you help?
Lusty Lover

Mr. Douda writes:

Dear Lusty Lover,

I have much to say to you.

First thing first: you love your wife and you're married. You should try to forget about your new lover and concentrate on your wife. Cheating isn't good. I hate cheating.

Tell the girl: I can't make it with you any longer, it's over. Try to stop thinking about her. The same way you got in love with the new girlfriend, you must fall out of love with her.

The reason is this: you could end up breaking your wife heart and your girlfriend heart at the same time.

In the long run, while both are loving, you will end up paying more attention to your girlfriend beacuse she's new. And that's not fair play.

Then for your wife: if she finds out, obviously the household will be corrupt. She will not take care of the children, she will not take care of the house. And that will be a big emabarrassment.

You should talk to the girlfriend in a way she can understand. For example, on your first day sailing, you don't know what the water is like. If you go sail out far and don't know how to swim, you could drown. Before you get into trouble you should turn back and get on shore.

Party Planning SL Style

Dear VWB,
I am throwing a 50th birthday party for my husband, upstate in rural New York, but can't seem to come up with anything fun to do at it (other than food and booze, which have already cost too much).

Any ideas for inexpensive activities or other forms of festivity that don't involve a LOT of organization?

P.S. The property is sort of on a hill, so games like badminton, horseshoes, etc are not possible.

Something like making everybody do a drawing and put them all in a shoe box and have people draw drawings out of the box -- or turn the whole collection into a giant picture?

Signed,
Brain Dead for the Summer

Mr. Douda writes:

Dear Brain Dead,

You already know what your husband likes, so think about it.

Let you try and think about something that would really surprise him, something he's missed for a long time.

Vanessa's 2 cents:

There's a party game traveling around our neo-colonialist garden-party circles here in Sierra Leone. Apparently it is played by the Queen of England at holiday time.

People must place a quarter in between their (hopefully clothed) butt cheeks and try to walk with it across the lawn and deposit it in a glass, racing someone else doing the same. I'm not sure about strategy and teamwork and whatnot, but it sure sounds like a hoot. If someone reading this could supply real directions, VWB would be grateful.

-VWB

How to Say No

Dear Friends & Neighbors of Vanessa in Sierra Leone,

Like Vanessa I have also left my home and am living in a new country. I havetwo passports--one from Ireland and one from the United States (Irish father, Swedish-American mother).

I would like advice on a problem that follows me whether I live in Europe, New York City, Australia, or now, Argentina and that I would like to outgrow:

I like meeting new people and I like for everyone to be happy. But I try to
avoid a fight at any cost which means I often say "yes" when I want to say
"no way!" That means I accept many things silently or even with a smile when
someone takes advantage of my good nature--a lover, a friend, a store clerk.
(I can fight to defend another person in danger or fight against injustice
but somehow I can't fight for myself over small daily things.) How can I
learn to stand up for myself without going to the other extreme and end up
being a mean and nasty person? Is there some krio saying that I can tell
myself in my head to remind myself to be stronger?

Thanks in advance for your advice! Saludos from a cold winter here in Buenos Aires, Argentina,

jane

Mr. Douda writes:

Dear Jane,

Have you seen Coming To America with Eddie Murphy? In the movie Eddie Murphy has a woman who always say yes to him. Anything he want, she say yes. So once he say, "bark like a dog" and she does it. It's funny.

But he no want her so he goes to America. He want a woman that knows something.

And another thing: now you have set a habit by giving people things. The way to stop is to get closer to the people.

If the people really need things and there is no one else who can help, it's okay to say yes. You must find out if they really do need.